Medicine

This is going to be a very personal post.  Please keep in mind, I don't think very many people read my blog, so.... here I go. 

I have ADD.  Attention Deficit Disorder.  I was diagnosed when I was 21 yrs old.  It happened right after my mission.  On my mission, I knew something wasn't... right.  I constantly felt scared.   I thought "I shouldn't be so scared/frightened of what I was doing".  After all, I was spreading/sharing the "Good Word" and as a missionary (from my point of view) I shouldn't be so scared to be and do what a missionary does.  I would be frightened during EVERY SINGLE LESSON I gave. It never really improved or went away.  I would always look at other sisters and think, why do they look so calm and seem like they have a handle on being a missionary.  Anxiousness.  Why weren't they anxious like me.  All the time.  I also had a very hard time reading my scriptures.  I would read a passage of scripture over and over and it wouldn't make sense.  In fact, I could rarely tell you what was said or what the passage was about.    

When I got home from my mission, I started to analyze and evaluate my performance as a missionary and try to figure out why I felt the way I did and why it was so hard for me to read my scriptures!?!?!?!  I found out that the psychology department at USU had a program for their psych majors to evaluate people for different learning disabilities.  I had been thinking that maybe I had dyslexia and that was why I had such a hard time understanding what I read.  SO I paid $100 and had them evaluate me.  They said I was pretty smart (IQ) but that my "performance IQ" tested lower than what I was at.  (Hope that makes sense.)  At the end they gave me one last test, an anxiety test.  They told me I was experiencing a high amount of anxiety and that they would recommend I go to a Dr. to learn techniques for coping.  I agreed.  So I went to a dr. and that first appt the dr. diagnosed me with ADD.  He went though the diagnosing standards and said that to diagnose me with ADD I needed to meet 7 of the 9 requirements.  I met 8 of them.  He said that I could try some medications and I would know within the day if they worked for me or not.  I tried one med and it did nothing for me.  I tried another and I was blown away at the difference.  In fact, I started crying.

I took the med in the morning and then went to my morning nutrition class.  I was able to follow everything the professor was teaching.  I took amazing notes and never once did my thoughts drift.  I was able to focus.  I don't think people understand what it was like for me that first day.  This is the best way I have found to help people understand what I went through.  Imagine that you have never tasted salt.  You eat food regularly and sometimes it just tastes like something is missing but you know nothing else.  All you know is salt-less food.  Then one day you have salt with say some chicken.  You have finally figured out what was missing, it was missing salt.  It tastes amazing!  So much better with this seasoning.  That is what it was like for me.  I didn't know I couldn't focus.  I didn't know anything else, all I had grown up with is the ADD.  But I was able to "taste" focusing for the first time and it was amazing!!!! 

The end.  =)